Love Was Everything

May 24, 2017

by Masha Tupitsyn

There are certain things that when said are erotic no matter who says them or how they actually feel about you. Words that carry electricity, power, and charge inside of them. Like when A, a friend, recently said, “I like your mind,” it reminded me of when one almost-love told me that “talking to me was erotic.” “I could argue with you all day.” By argue he meant debate, discuss. I felt my body remember the words I forgot but still live with. I never forget the way it feels to hear something.

Everything I am watching and listening to and reading right now is making me cry. Like Harry Styles (I know it’s corny) singing “Two Ghosts” with fucking Stevie Nicks. Breaking into tears during his “Landslide” duet with her. He has a lot of Scorpio (True Node, Pluto, and Jupiter) and Aquarius in him. That’s why he can be (sing) this way at only 23. Maybe it’s stupid, but I believe him. I think that’s what makes me emotional. When I believe (in) people. What they’re doing, saying, feeling, singing. I rarely feel that way these days, so when I do, I cry. He also has the same name as an ex. An old person’s name for an old soul. I think that makes me emotional too. Hearing the name. Because a name carries memories.

Styles on leaving One Direction: “You realize you’re exhausted and you don’t want to drain people’s belief in you.”

My student’s papers are making me cry. I can barely get through a sentence without crying. Many wrote about their own love stories, or lack thereof. Many wrote about their parents’ love stories, or lack thereof. I feel really moved by and grateful for their honesty.

I feel like teaching a class about love was everything.